There once was a man who had gout.

Its cause his friends had no doubt

That swigging Port until late

And the pheasants he ate

Had most certainly brought it about.


A man who had terrible gout,

In great pain was reported to shout,

“From hard booze I abstain

And rich food I disdain”

So what the fuck are you talking about?”


A sporty young girl called Concetta,

Would swim all day long if you let her

And on her back she would pack

Some Greek cheese for a snack,

‘Cos the wetta the feta the betta.


A fireman who live in Torquay

Had twin boys born much to his glee.

The first on the day

He christened José

And the second of course was Hose B


An aikido instructor called Terry,

Advised ‘Take your time and don’t hurry.

And when training with jo

Always go with the flow.

That way you’ll get there, don’t worry”.


(Below not one of mine, but I still like it)

While Titian was mixing Rose Madder

His model was perched on a ladder.

Her position to Titian

Suggested coition,

So he stopped mixing Madder and had ‘er.